Fail, fail, fail, fail, succeed

Self Awareness Part 1

I don’t fully come alive until the shit is hitting the fan – the closer I get to “this is so out of control I’m not sure I can hold it together” the happier I am. I love the feeling of not quite knowing whether I can pull something off, that exhilarating and scary state where your mind says “Here we go!” If things are predictable and easy, I just tend to zone out. In the ER, it feels wrong if it’s in any other state than flat out chaos. I actually get weirded out and lethargic.

It’s incredibly thrilling to be skating on the edge of what’s possible, to not be sure you’re capable of whatever it is you’re attempting to do.

It’s in those moments that you are fully alive