Fail, fail, fail, fail, succeed

Let’s Be Real

I am relevant to nothing and nobody. Ok, hear me out – this isn’t a bad thing… But the fact is that I am a 60 year old cancer survivor with nothing left to prove. From this point on, I have to recognize that whatever I do is just for me, my wife, and whoever I might be able to help or entertain in my immediate vicinity.

Many, many years ago I made a conscious decision not to have kids, something I have not regretted once since, even for a moment. I had very specific reasons for doing so, and time has reinforced my earlier intuition. Ultimately I think that decision served the greater good. I’m really happy for all of you that had children, but for me, in this life – not part of the picture. So I’m not really too concerned about what a grand shitshow we are leaving for the next generation. I did my best to leave this planet in better shape than I found it, but alas the greater part of my fellow humans did not feel the same. I’m sorry to say that I don’t really care whether humanity makes it in the end or not – I’m not even sure if we deserve to survive.

But please don’t think of this as a negative diatribe, because in fact I feel quite positive. I’m alive and fully engaged with life. The process of living still stimulates and amuses me. Did I mention I’m alive? Since whatever I create doesn’t matter to anyone but myself, and will ultimately end up either as discarded bits or in a landfill somewhere, it ultimately serves as a form of self expression and to help me more fully realize my humanity. And that’s good enough. My life started out a bit rocky, but turned out much better than I ever had any reason to expect. I’m going to try and end on a high note with some dignity, and at least attempt to make a positive difference in this very damaged world.