Being in the moment – this seems so easy to grasp, yet so hard to pull off. It’s certainly a constant struggle for me. Instead I’m always thinking about the future – grand plans that, if only I can pull them off, will somehow make life better, somehow make me feel fulfilled and valuable. What bullshit.
The reality, of course, is that this moment is all we really have – and once it’s over we’ll never get it back. It’s one less moment of life we have in the bank, or, as Chuck Palahniuk so succinctly puts it “This is your life and it’s ending one moment at a time.”
I think this is one of the things I instinctively love about being an ER nurse – because of the intensity and constant overload of the job, it forces me to simply be in the moment. No time to think about the past, or the future for that matter – you just focus on whatever emergency is right in front of you. And because you are providing a meaningful service to other humans (or at least trying), you of course feel valuable.
But take that away and I can start to feel a bit lost, because whatever creative shit I am doing doesn’t really seem like it makes a difference to anyone but me. Sometimes that’s enough and sometimes it isn’t.
I wonder: Is it recognition I am looking for or just the knowledge that whatever I’ve made was somehow meaningful to someone else besides me. Hmm…