Fail, fail, fail, fail, succeed


Whenever trouble rears its ugly head in life, our natural reaction is to focus on it – we have to, otherwise we can’t overcome it. We must examine all possible options, develop strategies, and then plan an attack for whatever shit storm we are dealing with. All this seems reasonable, yes?

Well, kind of. See, when I was younger I would perseverate on my problems to the exclusion of everything else, and this would end up working against me. I’d get in a very negative state of mind that wasn’t doing anyone any good.

And then I got cancer – and it changed everything. Suddenly I might die. Not later, more like right now. And I was going suffer on my way there, and make my loved ones suffer too. All I could think about was “I’m not ready to go…” And then I realized everyone who was ever in my position probably said the same thing. But cancer doesn’t give you any choice, it’s not like you can say, “Whoa, just hold on a minute, I need some time to think about this.” It’s like the train has left the station and there is no way you, or anyone else for that matter, can slow it down much less make it stop.

Your next stop is unknown, and it’s fucking scary as hell.

But if you’re lucky, as I was, the train lets you off before your final destination. Oh sure, you had great medical care, and it was successful. But you know it could have gone differently, and there is no other way to explain your good outcome except that it wasn’t yet your time – by some random quirk of fate your number didn’t come up.

No matter how damaged and traumatized your body and mind were by the experience, at the end of the day, you were handed a gift.

You now understood how precious life is and are truly grateful to be alive, no matter what happens. Knowing you somehow cheated death makes it all that much sweeter.

It’s coming, just not today.