The grieving process after the death of a loved one can be destabilizing. One minute life is just moving along and the next minute everything changes. I remember when I was diagnosed with cancer, I said to my doc “I didn’t see this coming,” and he casually answered “No one ever does.” I survived, unfortunately Logan didn’t.
Normally, I process the bad shit in life pretty effortlessly – fear is not a state I’m used to, my mind just doesn’t normally work that way. But losing someone you loved so deeply, who was woven into the very fabric of your life so quickly to cancer has a way of making me think “What’s going to happen next?” This is a very bad place to be, because now you are afraid of something that hasn’t even happened – your mind is just irrationally spinning out of control, making up doomsday scenarios for yourself and other people in your life you love.
Fear is such bullshit. I have always had disdain for people who live their lives in this state – we have a whole political party dedicated to it, so clearly approximately one half of all humans identify with this kind of thinking as a way to guide their lives.
Here’s the thing: Life is lived moment to moment. Safety is an illusion – always was, always will be. Danger, pain and death are part of life. It’s OK. Take a deep breath and appreciate this moment, and make sure you tell someone you love them today. Do something nice for someone else. Make something. Give back.
Don’t waste a precious moment being afraid, because that’s a moment you’ll never get back.