Fail, fail, fail, fail, succeed

Dial M For Murder

“This is 911 – what’s your emergency?”

“Please send help! I’m at 312 Fulton Street, apartment 6F. Hurry!”

“OK, sir. I need you to calm down. What is the nature of your emergency?”

“My body’s trying to kill me! Please, for God’s sake, come quickly!”

“Could you repeat that?”

“My body, Goddamnit – it’s been trying to kill me all along. It thinks I’m not on to it, but dear God, it’s all so clear now. I’m not safe anywhere!”

Sound of furniture being knocked over, then panicked crying

“Oh, God help me! I can’t get away! It’s here!”

We hear a body hit the floor, then gasping

“My chest!” Voice trailing off, then silence

“Sir! Sir! Can you hear me? Help is on the way!”

Please don’t tell me I’m the only one who feels like this?