Fail, fail, fail, fail, succeed

Breaking Down

I’ve had an internal debate over how honest I should be in this blog concerning COVID-19, somehow feeling like it’s my job as an ER nurse to reassure anyone reading this. People are panicking already and I certainly don’t want to feed that fear.

But I’ve been an ER nurse for ten years, and I’ve never seen or experienced anything remotely like this. When I say “breaking down,” I’m not referring to myself, although I’d be lying if I didn’t admit this is pushing me to my limits. No, I’m talking about a breakdown of our entire healthcare system, something I never dreamed I would see.

What’s happening in ER’s all over NYC right now is unimaginable. What EMS in NYC is dealing with is unimaginable. The virus is spreading unchecked, completely out of control, and the healthcare providers on the frontline will carry this experience like a huge disfiguring scar the rest of their lives.

If anyone is reading this I want you to know this: We are trying our best, but I’m afraid it’s bigger than us.

It’s already beyond anything you could ever imagine in your worst nightmare. And I’m afraid the worst is yet to come.