I loved you, but at the time I didn’t know it. Too much chaos, too many drugs, and too little experience. I just hadn’t lived long enough to really understand anything except how to survive. That was a skill I was an expert at.
See, you learn how to love by being loved – a concept I didn’t understand until much later. This was all foreign to me, so I improvised as best I could, which is to say, not very well.
We ended up giving it a go more than once, each time separated by several years. It never worked, and it wasn’t your fault.
I couldn’t control my own mind, and as a result I didn’t think much of myself. This would ultimately lead to my downfall, but I wasn’t there yet. I still had further to go.
I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.