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Let’s start with being real (at least in my experience): They may never go away, but you can learn to recognize them. And recognizing them is half the battle. The problem is, even if you’ve spent decades in therapy rooting them out, these dysfunctional beliefs tend not to show up until you’re trying to do something that’s hard — like trying to learn something difficult. And of course, Failure is part of learning. In fact, I’d say that unless you’re failing at something, you’re probably not learning and growing.
So, failure when you are pushing yourself beyond what you are currently capable of is good.
But if you were told you were a failure while growing up, things can become a little dicey. All those old dysfunctional scripts about what a worthless piece of shit you are tend to come shooting to the surface. This is where being able to recognize them comes into play, allowing you to step back and gain some perspective.
Here’s the truth: When you were little, some mean-spirited assholes told you a lie about yourself, and because you were a kid, you believed them. If I were religious, I’d say there’s a special place in hell for adults who belittle children and treat them cruelly. Regardless, once you’re an adult, it’s on you to deal with and get over this shit.
Don’t let the faulty scripts someone told you in your childhood derail your good intentions. If you haven’t already, get some therapy to help you recognize them as the lies they are. Failing will still be hard, but at least you won’t take it personally.