Monthly Archives: July 2018

I never understood the distinction until it was explained to me in the most powerful way possible by an ex-Catholic Brother who, unbeknownst to me, had long ago lost his faith. We had never met and I was calling to tell him of the imminent death of a mutual friend. Thinking he was still involved with the Catholic Church, I explained that I was an atheist in an attempt to pre-empt any discussion of god he might initiate. I was stunned when he responded that he had become an anti-theist. I asked him to explain the difference, and his explanation is forever burned into my memory. He said “An atheist doesn’t believe in the existence of god; an anti-theist believes that the very belief in god and religion is a destructive force on society.”

So there’s that.

You know the kind I’m talking about – the meeting whose outcome will have life altering implications for you. No pressure there!

These things kind of have a life of their own, and they can seem like there is a certain inevitability about them – as if what’s going to happen is almost a foregone conclusion.

I think one of the reasons for this is that the very nature of their importance rides on the fact that there is a massive power imbalance. The party you are meeting with has the ability to make this tremendously important decision that will determine how you move forward in your life, and ultimately you seem to have very little say in the outcome.

Or do you? You certainly have control over how you present your case for whatever it is you want, and you get to decide how you will react to whatever negotiation may transpire. Depending on how important the thing is we’re talking about, you may ultimately have to prepare to do whatever it takes to achieve the desired outcome. Because, if the other person holds all the cards, you don’t have much to bargain with.

This is where emotional intelligence comes into play. How well can you read what is important to the other party? Because if you can figure out what that is, there’s your only real bargaining chip right there. Appeal to what is important to them.

The goal is to make them feel good about giving you what you want.

Or at least as close as you can get it.

I’m sure it really sucks to get shot in the ass, but here’s the thing. When the bullet exits through your anterior thigh at the midline and you’re not bleeding out, you just won the jackpot. ‘Cuz the second biggest artery in your body is right there, and if the bullet hit it, the best trauma team in the world isn’t going to stop the massive bleeding. Not that you would have lived long enough to make it to the ER anyway. So there’s that.

Oh, and BTW, here’s a tip – don’t take a cab to the ER, that’s what 911 is for. You’ll have a better chance of surviving.

And you might want to toss the drugs in your pocket. We don’t give a shit but unfortunately for you NYPD pops by whenever someone gets shot, and they do care.

Other than that, this was a very lucky day for you. You’ll probably never know it, but hey, it’s just another day for us, and we savor life’s little miracles.

No one really knows what we do except other ER workers. Fortunately, we really like our jobs. We’re a secret society that has an active front row seat to every fucking horrible thing that can go wrong in life.

I’m never bored.

I love my job.

I guess this is about as close as you can get to winning in life as you get older – it may seem pathetic if you’re younger, but from where I stand it works for me. What am I talking about?

Just this: the idea that you can make something positive out of a negative – and negative is something there is no shortage of as we age. There are lots of examples in my life, the specifics of which I won’t go into here. But it’s the concept that’s important – the proposition that you can take something very bad and somehow turn it into something good. And trust me, it can be done. I’m about to attempt it again, and my money says I’ll pull it off.

The added benefit is that it completely reframes your internal dialogue about whatever horrible fucking trauma you’re trying to deal with.

If you can pull it off you go from victim to conqueror in one fell swoop.

Gear up son – there’s been a sudden change in the weather and things are about to get nasty. Unfortunately, I know the drill all too well. I also know I can handle it, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to like it.

This is one of those times when life throws you a 90 mph curveball and, although you’re never ready for it, you’ve been through this shit before, so you know what you’ve got to do.

Hunker down, get mean, and prepare for some pain.

Life ain’t for pussies.

One of the downsides to working in an ER is that, by definition, you’re surrounded by sick people. This has a couple of obvious implications. The first is that, the longer you do it, the more robust your immune system becomes. So far so good.

The second is: you’re going to get sick. Most of the time this will be garden variety illness; upper respiratory and GI infections, usually viral in nature. In other words, the kind of sick that puts you out of commission for a few days, then you bounce back. Because these infections are viral, antibiotics are useless – you’re just going to have to suffer, rest, and let your body do it’s thing.

So here I am. Sick, but business as usual. Nothing to see here folks.

Feeling shitty is sometimes just part of being alive.

Tomorrow is a new day.

May I direct your attention to one Rafael Méndez, born to a poor family with 19 children in Jiquilpan, Mexico in 1906, and who is certainly one of the greatest trumpet virtuoso’s of all time.

The subject of this post is his recording of a composition by Paganini titled “Moto Perpetuo.” It was written as a single continuous line that goes on for over four minutes and was meant to be played as a showcase for the violin. Because the trumpet is a wind instrument, Rafael learned to play it by using a technique called “circular breathing,” whereby the performer breathes in through their nose without disrupting the air stream while they are playing. As far as I know, this is the first time anyone attempted this technique on the trumpet, much less pulled it off so spectacularly. This recording was made sometime around 1960 when he was 54.

Listening to it today, it still seems impossible, like there must be some sort of trickery involved. He would, however, periodically perform this live throughout his life, so there is no doubt it was real.

So how was this possible? An uneducated, poor Mexican boy develops into one of the most spectacular, ground breaking trumpet virtuosos of all time? That, I think, is part of the mysterious magic of being human. We all have the ability, to a greater or lesser degree, to figure shit out and then, through the application of personal discipline, develop that idea as far as we can. In Rafael’s case, it was playing the trumpet, and he was obviously very gifted in doing so. Others have done the same in every field of endeavor, moving humanity ever forward. These are the visionaries who show us what’s possible.

We all can, and should, contribute to this evolution no matter how small and inconsequential it may seem to us at the time. Because at the end of the day our contribution may not be as inconsequential as we originally thought.

We exist for a brief time to do something.

So go and do it!

Seriously – fuck our entire government and every morally reprehensible asshole in it.

You don’t represent me.

I don’t hate anyone because they think differently than me. In fact, I like it when others think differently – it makes life more interesting. But if their ideas are hateful and ignorant, I say fuck ‘em. I don’t have the patience to waste my precious time and energy on your mindless blather.

Blatant nihilism, the desire to destroy just for sake of seeing everything crash and burn, makes me ashamed to be a human. You are the kind of people who, as children, enjoyed pouring salt on slugs just to see them melt. What is wrong with you? Did you lose your moral compass, or did you never possess one to start with?

And our so-called “leaders” in Washington? You people represent the public manifestation of the absolute worst possible human behavior. Lying sociopathic grifters who couldn’t be honest and decent if you had a gun at your head. I actually feel physically nauseous just looking at your sanctimonious, lying mugs. I know it doesn’t matter, but here’s a news flash – some of us see right through you. You’re not fooling everyone, but you clearly already know that and don’t give a shit. Because you just have to fool most, and you know a good way to do that is by appealing to the lowest common denominators – hatred, xenophobia, and fear.

Have you no shame? Well, here’s how I’m dealing with you. First of all – fuck off. I’m not going to be a sucker lining up to be fleeced at your carnival. Unfortunately there’s clearly plenty of rubes out there willing to fall for your bullshit.

Secondly, I’m going to keep trying to be a kind and empathetic human. I won’t always make it, but goddamn it, I’m going to give it my best shot.

At least that’s something I have some control over.

As for the rest of you lying, deceitful pricks – have a nice life. I can assure you I’m enjoying mine more than you enjoy yours. I sleep well, and I’m not repulsed to look at myself in the mirror. I’m not perfect, but I’m sincerely trying to do the right thing.

It’s the best I can do.

The really pathetic and profoundly disturbing thing is that you probably feel the same way. I’d say “god help us all” but I’m an atheist. I’m afraid if we’re going to fix this we’re going to have to do it ourselves.

I’m not hopeful.