Fail, fail, fail, fail, succeed

Awareness

So here I am at day 12 of my blog experiment, and I’m beginning to feel a heightened awareness of how I’m spending my time, and what sorts of things are occupying my brain. This is interesting, because it feels like I am exercising a muscle that is suddenly being called on to perform, and it’s not quite used to it. I’ve made a pact with myself do this daily, but I have no preconceived ideas as to what I am going to post each day. Trying to find the time to do it can be a struggle, so the content becomes a spontaneous expression of my thoughts at the moment I begin to write.

On days when I am working in the ER, my shifts are 12 and a half hours long, and they are always a chaotic and exhausting mess. At the end of each shift my brain feels like cotton candy, just a jumbled overload of hyper-stimulated neurons. Posts on ER work days are usually shorter and necessarily unpremeditated…

But because I am forcing myself to write my thoughts down very spontaneously, it provides an excellent window into what I am really thinking. This is perhaps the most important reason for me to do this – by becoming more aware of what I am doing and thinking, I can begin to consciously grow and change based on that awareness.

We all go through our days fulfilling obligations and carrying out various chores that enable us to sustain our lifestyle. But no matter how brutal and hard one’s life is, no matter how busy or exhausted we are, as humans we all (I think) find time to dream of possibilities. It is in those moments that our potential for creativity lies.

And those are the moments I need to pay close attention to. I need to develop a heightened awareness of the possibilities that excite me.