Well, well, well – time to take some of my own bitter medicine, I’m afraid. I didn’t name this blog for nothing! Pull up a seat and prepare to eat another steaming plate of crow. You never really get used to the taste, but hey, at least it’s familiar.
So what happened? Hmmm, let’s see…
I guess the short answer is that I tried to do something and failed. My first conciliatory thought is “Well at least you fucking tried.” And that’s not nothing; I entered into something I felt was important knowing full well I might not succeed. But somebody had to try, and I’m nothing if not game. So there’s that.
My best intentions were unfortunately thwarted by the mendacious behavior of people looking after their own interests, a story as old as man. Jesus, you’d think I would have seen that one coming. The thing is, I did – I just thought I could somehow temper it, and of course I couldn’t. So what do I learn from this?
Well, first of all, don’t spread yourself too thin. There’s a limit to what you can do, and I sometimes make the mistake of over estimating what I’m capable of.
Although I like to lead by getting input from everyone involved, I’m most effective when I have the power to make a decision and move on. Not all leadership roles have that power.
On reflection, I think, in the environment I failed in, I am probably more useful working alone on projects where I can act with more autonomy. My goal is to contribute whatever skills and talent I might possess in the most effective way possible to achieve the greatest good.
Ultimately, I just want to leave feeling as if, even in some small way, I left things a least a little bit better than I found them. It’s important to me to feel like I contributed something good and useful.
I don’t think that’s too much to ask of myself, and I fully intend to deliver.